X Japan Songfic Triad
by Kraven Ergeist
Summary: Contains songfics Art of Life, Unfinished, and Forever Love, all songs by X Japan, and put to a continuous, threepart Evangelion fiction. Rating for first part. Shinji x Rei
1. Art of Life

**Evangelion Song Fic**

**Art Of Life**

By Kraven Ergeist (Formerly known as Draco Delphinus)

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or anything pertaining to it, nor do I own anything pertaining to X-Japan and their music.

Series: Evangelion

Song: "Art of Life" by X-Japan

* * *

Art of Life 

Shinji didn't know what to think as he sat there, staring at the dead ocean of a dead city. Asuka was comatose. Misato was hysterical. Ritsuko was insane. His father was his father. Toji and Kensuke were away.

Kaworu was dead.

And Rei? Shinji didn't even know _what_ she was any more. All he knew was that he found himself walking into a room filled with Reis. Dozens, maybe even hundreds of carbon copies of Rei Ayanami. And as if that wasn't enough, he had to watch them all die.

Die laughing.

He knew in his heart that they weren't real. But he couldn't help but picture the Rei that he knew…that he thought he knew…dying the same way: gladly. She would give her own life in an instant. Shinji could never do that. Not in a thousand years. He could never muster the courage. He could never muster the courage to do anything.

So useless.

But he knew one thing, though not at first. Of all the people that came to mind, Rei was the only person who could give him what he wanted, now, above all.

Answers.

She knew something. Maybe not all of it, but something. Something of what his father was working on, with that Angel in the basement, with the Rei clones, with the Eva's…with his mother. Rei knew something. And Shinji decided that he was going to find out.

Easier said than done.

His plan nearly died with the first step. How to find her. Where was Rei nowadays? Her apartment was still intact, but more and more often, Rei had not been there. Would she be there now? Was there a chance? He had to check. He had all day.

He found himself staring at the door. Just a normal door, like any other. But behind it may or may not be the key to his anxiety.

_Desert Rose, why do you live alone?_

_If you are sad, I'll make you leave this life._

A knock.

No answer.

Of course.

He opened the door.

He saw Rei sitting there on her bed. She hadn't even been paying attention. Sure, she'd heard the knock, but she had not truly acknowledged it. Shinji doubted she would have gotten up at all to answer the door. That's the Rei he knew. He though he knew.

"Ikari?"

All of the sudden, Shinji was scared. What should he say? How should he approach this? Being confronted with an immediate need for action made him tremble and freeze up. Especially with Rei.

Her blue hair still struck him as odd, even to this day. And her red eyes were as piercing as fire. And her skin…so white and so fair. Yet so ghostly. Shinji wondered why his people of origin saw pale skin as beautiful. To him, it was just scary.

_Are you white, blue or bloody red?_

_All I can see is drowning in cold gray sand._

"A…Ayanami…" Shinji began, trying his hardest.

Rei got up off her bed and stood there, as if expecting orders. But Shinji was the last person to be giving orders to anyone. Which is why this particular task came so difficultly.

"Do you…" Shinji said. What should he say to her? Do you know the answers? To what? To Eva? Way too broad. Do you know the answers to that angel in the basement? That sounded dumb. Do you know that you had over a dozen clones in the basement of NERV, until some maniac scientist disintegrated them all? Jeez, this was going to be difficult.

_The winds of time, you knock me to the ground._

_I'm dying of thirst. I wanna run away._

"Do I what?"

Shinji couldn't put into words what he needed. What the wanted. What he wanted from her. The only person who had openly offered to be his friend was dead. The only people who he could call his friends were maniac, catatonic or both. Except for Rei, who he was hardly sure of.

_I don't know how to set me free to live_

_My mind cries out feeling pain_

"Can you tell me…?" Shinji corrected himself.

Tell him what? The answers? That brought him back to that loop before.

"Tell you what?" Rei asked, not letting a hint of irritation show. It took a whole lot more than that to irritate Rei. Unfortunately, Shinji had once brushed against that level before. But that was another story.

"Can you tell me wha…why…how…wha…" Shinji couldn't believe himself. What should he say? What was he asking?

"If you have something to say, Ikari, then say it."

Shinji couldn't control his mouth, and he spit out the best thing that came to mind. And probably the worst thing.

"What are you?"

This came as a shock for Rei. She had always asked herself "Who are you?" but never before had she inquired _what_ she was. Yes, she was Rei, but who was Rei? _What _was Rei? Was she human? Angel? Eva? What?

_I've been roaming to find myself._

_How long have I been feeling endless hurt?_

"I am…" Rei said.

This was no answer. Shinji couldn't accept that. No matter how cowardly he was, he would not stand for an answer that simple. "No."

Rei looked up. "What?"

"You're something else, Rei." Shinji said. "You're so much different than everyone else. And people treat you differently than everyone else. And I want to know why. Why are you different? What does it have to do with Eva? What's going on at NERV, and for god's sake, why are there clones of you in the NERV complex?"

_Falling down, rain flows into my heart._

_In the pain I'm waiting for you._

Rei's eyes flew open. She had never expected Ikari to ask this of her. She had though he would have known not to dwell on things that were over their heads. Such matters were dealt with only by him. The other Ikari.

"I cannot tell."

Shinji furrowed his brow. "But you know."

Rei nodded. "Yes."

Shinji breathed in. "Then tell me!"

Rei blinked. "I just said that I cannot."

"I don't care!" Shinji declared. "You're the only person left I have to go to! Now please, Rei! I need to know what's going on!"

_Can't go back._

_No place to go back to_

_Life is lost, flowers fall_

Rei was breathing hard now. Ikari was behaving very rashly. She had no idea what was going on with him. However, despite any fear she might have of him, she did not wish to call for aid. She did not want to get him in trouble…no matter what it cost her. That much, she was willing to sacrifice.

Shinji, on the other hand, was losing it himself. He had pitched off the edge of despair and gone into desperation. There was no telling what he might try.

He had already accepted the fact that his life was shit, to put it frankly. It was a given for him that people would not treat him well. He was past begging people to be nice to him, and fend for himself, with the thought in mind that nobody would willingly show any sympathy. But when it came to his friends… People he thought he knew… He just didn't know how to behave.

_If it's all dream._

_Now wake me up._

Rei felt compelled to tell the third child something, anything to make him feel better. It was her inclination to ensure the well being of her fellow pilots, especially the third child. So, without bending the rules the commander had set for her too far, she ventured into explanation.

"Shinji…" Rei began, using his first name in order to instill a greater impact in him. "Do you believe in God?"

Shinji blinked, taken totally off track. "What?"

Rei sighed. It was a long shot, but she had to take it. "Do you believe in God?"

Shinji thought about that for a moment. Religion had never been a concept for him. The official religion of Japan, even after second impact, was still Shintoism and Buddhism. And in a lot of other countries, Christianity, Judaism and Islam existed. But Shinji never really believed in any of that. He had always pictured himself blaming God for all his problems, instead of blaming himself.

"No…I guess I don't."

Rei blinked. "Why?"

Shinji scratched his head. "I think because…um…"

_If it's all real…_

"Because…I would hate him if I did."

Rei sighed. That told her more than enough.

"What does this have to do with anything at NERV?" Shinji asked, just barely above conversation volume.

Rei nodded her head. "The code name for our enemies is Angel. Did it not occur to you that the things we fight might actually be God's angels?"

Shinji shuddered. Breathing heavily, he began to shake his head. "No way…I mean…if that were true, than…"

Shinji began pacing around the room, as Rei simply watched him.

"Than what have we been fighting for? Does God hate us? And what is NERV planning behind all this?"

Rei sighed. There was no stopping it.

"God is angry, because of an experiment from Gehirn in the white moon in Antarctica. Man tried to harness the power of God into a device what you may have heard before – an S2 device."

Shinji's eyes widened. "You mean that the power of god is…what's powering those S2 engines?"

Rei nodded, continuing. "The commander is planning to use the power of god to become reunited with what he desires most. And my exclusive purpose is to aid him in this."

No way. No way. Shinji did not believe what he was hearing. If what Rei was true, than…not only has his father been fighting for an unjust cause…but he himself was the perpetrator of the conflict. His father was the bad guy.

No wonder he hated his father so much. God himself hated him.

Shinji took a moment to catch his breath before asking. "What is it my father wants?"

Rei looked strangely at him. "Can you think of nothing?"

Shinji thought about that. What would his father want? What would he wish for? What haunted his dreams on those nights he managed to squeeze in a wink of sleep?

What was it that haunted Shinji's own dreams?

Mother. Yui. That's what he wanted. And in a flash, it all made sense.

"You mean my father angered the gods simply so that he could be reunited with m…mother?"

Rei nodded, unable to reply verbally.

One thing remained for Shinji. One thing was left unsaid.

"Rei?" Shinji asked, suing her first name.

"Yes?"

"What is…" Shinji swallowed. "What is…I mean…"

Rei began shifting her weight from one leg to the other.

"How are you going to help him in this?"

And Rei told him.

_…Just kill me._

* * *

What the evilness that stirred beneath the fowl depths of NERV, comparable to hell, the pit of remorse and despair house unearthly creations and heaps of illusionary divinity. Clones of God, and embodiments of the devil that battled saintly angels in holy warfare. 

What did it matter? Shinji couldn't bring himself to care. He was cut off from everything. He didn't like it, but it was his best solution thus far. So he was going to stick with it.

_I'm making the wall inside my heart_

_I don't wanna let my emotions get out_

Shinji thought about Asuka, how she was just laying there in one of the dozens of beds in the hospital. Endless, analogous chambers filled with illness, injury and the smell of death and medical cleanser. Asuka deserved more than that.

Still, Shinji couldn't bring himself to return to that room.

_It scares me to look at the world._

_Don't want to find myself lost in your eyes._

He remembered what Kaji had said.

_…You have something you can do. The _only_ thing you can do. Nobody is forcing you. Think for yourself and make the decision by yourself. Think about what you have to do now. Think about no longer having any regrets…_

That was a load of bullshit. Life was regret for Shinji. Without regret, there was nothing to his life. Nothing else existed. Not for Shinji. He had been dealt a blank hand, not given a chance. Kaji had told him to defend the world. And even now, Shinji could not decide whether the world was worth defending.

_I tried to drown my past in gray._

_I never wanna feel more pain._

What Rei said had scared Shinji beyond comprehension. He was scared of what he worked in, this whole facility. If such things as what Rei had described were to take place, then Shinji wanted to be miles and miles from this place called NERV.

But that just made him feel guiltier. Because, while he left, others would stay.

_Ran away from you without saying any words._

_What I don't wanna lose is love._

The only thing he could think of doing would be to take everyone he care for and hightail it for another continent somewhere, maybe even alien world. Heck, as long as Shinji was imagining things, why not just get rid of NERV and his father all together? He and his friends deserved that much.

These thoughts poured through Shinji's head as he traversed in the endless sea of chaos that was NERV. Why was he still in this hell? Because if he left they would capture him, and if he managed to escape the capture, then he would still have to live with the guilt of leaving his friend behind.

_Through my eyes, time goes by like tears._

_My emotion's losing the color of life._

What good was Shinji's life anyway? People around him could hurt him too. Asuka hurt him. Kaworu had hurt him. Rei, in a way, had hurt him. What was the point of living then? No more Eva piloting was needed. And Shinji did not see the need to live for himself alone.

He wanted a purpose, but he could find none. He would always arrive at the same conclusion: Death. He would die one way or another. Would it be painful? Would it be scary? Would he dislike it at all?

Shinji heard loud footsteps coming from the halls. He had nestled himself under a set of stairs, grieving. And what the footsteps that the heard were drawing nearer, until he could put bodies to those footsteps. The faces, however, he didn't bother looking at. And the voices, he didn't care to hear again, despite how they would ring in nightmares to come.

"Third Child located. Proceeding with extermination."

They were UN military soldiers. Living out their lives as warriors. Puh. War was so pointless. Inevitable and utterly pointless.

"Don't hate me, kid," the green garbed soldier said, pressing a gun to Shinji's head.

"Go ahead," Shinji muttered slowly, not truly accepting the reality as is. "Do you think that I give a damn? This life is so pointless. You might as well end it for me. It was just a matter of time before I did it myself."

_Kill my heart, release all my pain_

_I'm shouting out loud_

The UN officer, his interest piqued by the Third Child's remorse, decided to give the boy some last words. Had he not been chatting with his fellow comrades in the days prior about how it was to be an Eva pilot, he would not have cared enough to do so.

"What is there to be gained out of life? What's there to enjoy? Why do I see everyone else enjoying their life, while I continue to suffer?"

Without moving, the boy continued.

"But that's not even true. I see people around me suffer as well, even more than me. That makes me feel guilty. And there are times when I can't even convince myself that there's nothing good to be seen. It's just so mixed up."

The UN soldier was getting bored, and was about to pull the trigger, when something occurred to the boy before him.

It just didn't matter anymore.

The whole point of life was lost. His life, and the life of everyone else in the world had no point. He saw that every one around him suffered the same things as he did. And for that reason, and for the reason that was simply his pent up, undying rage, a single option was left to him.

Shinji suddenly burst. His hands grabbed for the officer's gun before he could think. Twisting it in the man's hands, he aimed it backwards, and pulled down on his trigger finger.

BANG!

The life of the soldier seeped out of him, as he slumped on top of the Third Child.

The other soldiers opened fire with their individual weapons. But the crumpled soldier atop of Shinji protected him. With two shots, he had killed both of the soldiers.

Shinji stood up, his eyes no longer focused. It was as if he were possessed by something. He reached down and retrieved the soldier's weapons off of them. Pocketing two handguns and slipping two Uzi's in his belt, he held one of each in either hand.

Slowly, he proceeded through Central Dogma.

_Insanity takes hold over me!_

* * *

_Turning away from the wall.  
Nothing I can see.  
The scream deep inside,_

_Reflecting another person in my heart.  
He calls me from within:  
"All existence you see before you  
Must be wiped out-  
Dream, Reality, Memories, and Yourself."

* * *

_

Misato did not believe her eyes. She recalled raising Shinji throughout the past year and a half they had lived together. And this was not him.

This was not him.

He was destroying everything in his path. His accuracy was as perfect as a falcon, his mercy nonexistent. He was like a madman, blowing away everything in his path. Men fell and died, and he kept shooting until they were dead. If he ran into a single enemy, he let out a single shot with his handgun before his enemy could blink. And if he ran into a group, he unloaded his Uzi, and took them all out before they could take a shot.

Shinji had taken a bullet to the arm and the shoulder, and he hardly paid it head. Misato was right; this was not the Shinji she knew.

_I begin to lose control of myself._

_My lust is so blind, destroys my mind._

Misato almost dared not confront him. But she knew she had to. After Kaji… Ritsuko…Asuka…Shinji was all she had left.

"Shinji!" she cried, running up to him, as soon as the halls were clear of the exploding bullet fire.

Shinji just slowly turned around. He came face to face with her. And Misato gasped as she saw his face; his eyes. They were unreal. And his face show such little expression, that even Rei would have called it blank.

"Let me tell you something, Misato. We are evil. God hates us all, and we're all going to die before the sun rises tomorrow. God's will has taken over, and he seeks one man above all. It is the evil one, the antichristian overlord who is at the head of this very establishment. I am going to kill him, Misato. And I ask only that you get out of my way."

With that, Shinji continued his advance.

"Wait a damn minute!" Misato yelled, running up to him. Planting herself in front of him, she spread her arms. "Do you realize what you are doing?"

Shinji's face did not change, his eyes never dilated. They were as blank as stones.

"It is not Shinji you are talking to," he said.

Misato grabbed his shoulders. "I want you quit this crap, Shinji! Come to your senses!"

Shinji just smiled. The bantering before him meant nothing. He had the power of god by his side. And it was growing. At that point, he could read people's minds. And what he saw on Misato's mind surprised him. But it also left him with an advantage.

Before Misato could act, she felt Shinji approach her, seize the necklace bound around her neck, and press his lips to hers.

Her eyes flew open. Once a dream she had, and then that dream had made itself real. She just couldn't think.

Misato suddenly felt a sharp spike in her stomach. She looked down – and there was Shinji's hand, holding his gun at point blank to her stomach.

Misato began to lose her strength, and she fell over him, weighing him down. Misato stared, disbelieving what had just happened. The boy she'd grown to know and love had kissed her, breaking the bonds they had as boy and guardian – and then he just shot her.

_Nobody can stop my turning to madness._

_No matter how you try to hold me in your heart._

"Shin…ji…" Misato sputtered. "Wh…why…?"

Shinji gave no answer. Just a reply.

"Goodbye, Misato," Shinji said, his face unchanging, his eyes fixated on the path before him. "Maybe you and Shinji will meet in the next world."

And with that, he let her fall to the ground, snapping the necklace from around her, as he marched over her now lifeless body.

With no one to give orders, Dogma was losing badly. The commander was out of touch, preoccupied with the task that he had slaved over for years.

* * *

Asuka, now awake with all the explosions, had made the same decision that Shinji made for the time being. She had now about as much value in life as he did. No care any more. What good has caring about her own life done for her. She had done nothing but focus on her own life since being a child. But that had not stopped her fate from saying "Hey, y'know what, Bitch? You're still gonna fail!" 

She'd had it. If trying to improve herself wasn't work, then what could she do?

_Why do you wanna raise these walls?_

_I don't know the meaning of hatred._

She had wandered all the way into NERV central, without a destination in mind, no general direction, no desire to return to where she'd started and no ETA for a finish. But what she ran into at least took her mind of her own uselessness.

Shinji was making his way, taking his time, his pace unchanging to where he suspected his father to be. Asuka, having no clue as to what was going on, called out to him.

"Hey, Shinji."

Shinji looked to her. And Asuka saw his dead eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong with you, Shinji? You look all deadpan."

Shinji approached her gradually, maintaining the same pace as before. "Why are you not in your Eva?"

Asuka spat. "Because I can't drive that thing any more, you idiot!"

Shinji shook his head. "This time, it will be different. God has asked that we aid him in his destruction of humanity. The angels that you've fought should be proof enough of that. He's willing to forgive us for killing his stewards if we aid him in the elimination of mankind."

_My brain gets blown away hearing words of lies_

_I only want to hold your love_

Asuka did not grasp half of that. Assuming it was more of Shinji's mindless ramblings, she shook it off. "Whatever. What are you doing anyway?"

Shinji did not answer. Instead he asked another question.

"Will you, or will you not pilot your Eva?"

Asuka shook her head. "No. Not a force in the world will get me back in that machine!"

Shinji raised his gun. And Asuka gasped.

"Hey! What are you doing with that thing?"

Shinji did not so much as acknowledge her.

"Then you are to be destroyed."

A shot rang out throughout Dogma. And another soul lay dead on the ground.

* * *

_Stab the dolls filled with hate.  
Wash yourself with their blood.  
Drive into the raging current of time.  
Swing your murderous weapon into the belly: __"The earth."  
Shout and start creating confusion.  
Shed your blood for pleasure.  
And what? For love?  
What am I supposed to do?

* * *

_

Rei needed no time keeping device, no schedule of events, no memo or beeper to tell her of what was going on now. She knew what came next. And the haunting footsteps of her creator drew nearer. She both dreaded and was excited about what came next. Everything was about to end. And everything was about to begin.

"The time for which you were created draws near," said the commander, as calmly as only he could.

Rei did not reply. Instead, she stood there, bare as a newborn babe, and followed him to her grave.

_I believe in the madness called "Now."_

_Past and future prison my heart._

She could feel everything around her now. Her AT field had been steadily growing for the past few days, and now, in its final hour, it was beyond imagination.

She could feel Shinji, and what he was doing. She felt God's will instilled in him, commanding him to kill as many humans as possible, and helping him along with way. And of course, she knew of another soul who had intended on this happening.

Hiding from those around her, Ritsuko was embedded within the crevices of the Magi, one of many within the super computers. And within her confines, she was hysterical with herself.

"Gendo will be implementing his plans soon, mother. I'm going to need your help in this."

The computer had no immediate reply. Maybe it wanted to think it over.

"You're right," Ritsuko said, blank in her madness. "And the boy, Shinji, will become more of pawn than either of us were."

The computer remained silent.

_Time is blind._

_But I wanna trace my love._

_On the wall of time, over pain in my heart._

"Yes, it's hard to imagine, but its true. He's managed to tap into his AT field. Since he in the best human pilot in NERV, he has reached this stage before anyone. And his AT field has allowed him to adapt perfectly to his environment. Seeing as though the UN is implementing their attack on NERV, the AT field will probably aid him in defending against them."

The computer still had nothing to say.

"Oh, I don't know. It might give him superior accuracy with a weapon, make him light on his feet. I just worry about what it will do to his heart. It may very well take it away."

* * *

Now it was a race to see who would reach Lillith first. Gendo knew the way, but Shinji was faster. And his AT field was rapidly increasing in power. It got to the point where he could crush thing in his path with it, defend against anything, and hover through the air. He no longer needed weapons; he was a weapon. 

_Art of life, insane blade stabbing dreams._

_Try to break all truth now._

He could feel where Lillith was now. It was like the call from his mother. It was his mother, really. Lillith and Rei were both down there. Now all that was missing was Unit 01.

Shinji smiled. Actually smiled. It was the first expression he had made for hours. Unit 01 would come when she was needed. And she would be used to finish the job.

Soon, Shinji was burrowing through layers and layers of flooring, heading straight to Lillith. He had to stop the luciferous being that was his own father.

All the pain his father had caused. All the wrong he had done, all the lives his father had ruined. All of it would end.

_But I can't_

_Heal this broken heart in pain_

And suddenly, it was a matter of five feet of metal between him and Lillith, which was nothing for an AT field. It was ripped open in moments, and there below him was the mother of all beings. And farther below still was the disbelieving Gendo Ikari. He was watching his own son float down with an orange aura, and come to a rest standing on the LCL between Lillith and the monster.

"Shinji!" Gendo cried out. "What are you doing!"

Shinji was glaring now. His eyes were ablaze, still bank, but now every angry.

"I'm doing what I should done the moment I had the chance to."

Gendo glared, and whipped out his weapon, and let the shots fire. The bullets started out going super fast, but began slowing down as they neared Shinji, and suddenly propelled away from him at the same speed. His AT field didn't even need to be active for him to repel bullets now.

"You have done a great evil in your time, Gendo Ikari. You are unforgivable, heartless, selfish and inhuman beyond doubt. You have no further right to live in this world. And it is time for you die."

No sooner had he said that, when the hole in the ceiling that Shinji had made began excessively larger, as Unit 01 fell through to the bottom. She landed right behind Shinji, splashing water onto his AT field, draining off of an invisible shield. As she landed, he legs bended, and he head arched towards Gendo.

Gendo managed to let out a gasp of fear, before Eva unit 01's horn split his chest in two.

_Cannot start to live, Cannot end my life._

_Keep on crying._

Gendo slid off of Unit's 01's horn and onto the ground next to Rei, who had simply watched nonchalantly. Like she had expected that all to happen.

Shinji looked up and saw Ritsuko, standing there with a blank smile on her face.

"So, I was right. I never thought you'd make it this far, though. Unfortunately, I really don't want the world to end, for the sake of the people living here."

She held up her remote control to the destruction of the Magi. But second before she pressed the button, it exploded in her hand.

Ritsuko gasped, pulling her hand away. She then stared at Shinji.

"Oh, god, why didn't I see? It was always god's intention to start impact. I thought, for a moment, that you had come to save us all. But I was wrong. God cares nothing for humans."

Shinji just smirked. "Do you?"

Ritsuko shuddered. Then, she began to howl in laughter.

Shinji raised his hand, palm up, as Gendo's gun floated over to it. Clutching it, he rose to Ritsuko's laughing face, and sent the last remaining bullet into Ritsuko brain.

He paid it no mind at all. He simply returned to his original stance and watched his mother's work.

Unit 01 stood up on her own, and positioned her hand over Gendo. Gendo's right hand seemed to rise on its own, until his flesh began to disintegrate, leaving the embryonic Adam rising to Unit 01's palm.

Unit 01 clutched her hand shut. Standing up straight, she turned to Lillith, who has likewise been merely a watcher in this exchange, and Unit 01 thrust her hand into Lillith's chest, and released Adam into her.

_Close my eyes._

_Time breathes, I can hear._

_All love and sadness melt in my heart._

Rei's expression dropped. Lillith had received Adam directly. That was not supposed to happen – Rei was the supposed to be carrier. But that was the case only for the commander to be reunited. This way, all she could do was watch. Watch as her purpose was lost and her sole objective in life was swept away. She now regretted saying those things to Shinji, for she knew now that it was her words that drove him to this..

"Shinji," she muttered, knowing he could hear her. "What have you done?"

Shinji, however, did manage to hear her.

"I have performed God's will."

Rei looked at him, now angry. "You have taken away my purpose."

Shinji shook his head. "The purpose of that evildoer? That is no purpose. I always wondered why you never valued yourself, but now I see why. You should have no value in yourself if you followed such a man."

Rei breathed in. What was he saying? That she was doomed to failure from the very beginning?

"If that's the case, then kill me," Rei said.

Shinji sighed. "I have killed many humans beings this eve. But I cannot kill you. You are of Angelic blood. And god forbids me to slay another Angel. For you are an Angel, Rei, in every sense of the word. The real Shinji was in love with you, Rei, did you know that? Of the three women that meant the most to him, you ranked above all. And if you come with me, I'll let you have your little Shinji back when it's all over. For you two will be the only ones left alive."

_Dry my tears._

_Wipe my bloody face._

Rei could not respond, nor could she do anything. She could only watch as Lillith fell from her stand and began growing into something that would end the world. She could only watch as Shinji took her by the hand and left her into the entry plug of Unit 01. And she could only watch as the world ended.

* * *

_I wanna feel me living my life…_

_Outside my walls._

_You can't draw a picture of yesterday, so_

_You're painting your heart with your blood._

_You can't say "No"_

_Only turning the wheel of time_

_with a rope around your neck._

_You build a wall of morality and take a breath_

_from between the bricks._

_You make up imaginary enemies and are chased by them._

_You're trying to commit suicide._

_You're satisfied with your prologue,_

_Now you're painting your first chapter black._

_You are putting the scraps of life together,_

_and trying to make an asylum for yourself._

_You're hitting a bell at the edge of the stage,_

_And you are trying to kill me.

* * *

_

Shinji, along with Rei, riding his legendary war machine, rose from beneath the Earth to encounter the white demons of heaven. The last of the Angels had fallen, now all that heaven had to offer were eyeless devils, baring deadly scathes, each with the power to transform into the lance of Longinus.

But Shinji was not focused on these white Evas. They were as much of pawns as he was, even more so, since they had no free will. No, what Shinji was focusing on was something he had not been expecting.

Kaworu.

_I believe in the madness called "Now"_

_Time goes flowing, breaking my heart_

How and why, Shinji did not know. Nor did he know if he should regard this new inquisitor as a friend or as a foe.

"I wish to speak with Shinji," Kaworu said from outside the mecha. "The real Shinji."

Shinji thought about that for a while. Finally, he turned around and looked at Rei, who had been sitting behind the seat in the entry plug.

"Wait here."

The entry plug unscrewed and opened, and Shinji drifted out, supported hundreds of feet in the air by his AT field.

Finally, he was face to face with Kaworu.

"I do not wish to let the real Shinji take control of this body for now, because you know as much as I do that he would not survive the prospect of what has just occurred."

Kaworu shook his head. "I know that he will be pained, but I have to power to heal his pain. Let me speak with him."

_Wanna live._

_Can't let my heart kill myself._

_Still I haven't found what I'm looking for._

Shinji finally gave up, and released his body power. Suddenly, he was a normal kid again, his AT field long forgotten. But that did not take away the realization of what he had done.

"Oh god…oh god…oh god…"

Kaworu did not let him fall. He held him up gently with his own AT field and smiled at him. "It's not what you did, it's what god did. You were simply his tool. There is no remorse in that."

"Oh god…oh god…oh god…"

Kaworu tried to lighten the mood. "For someone who does not believe in God, you certainly use his name a lot."

Shinji was not at all stricken. "What have I…I killed…I killed… Misato… Asuka… Ritsuko… Father…"

Kaworu floated over to Shinji and embraced him.

"I'm sorry that you hurt, Shinji. But try to remember. This is the right thing. People deserve to die, because in death, eternal bliss awaits them. You may not believe in heaven Shinji, but it is a truly magnificent place. That is why you killed everyone. You should especially be proud of sending your friends to the afterlife. They have suffered enough Shinji. And so have you."

_Art of life, I try to stop myself_

_But my heart goes to destroy the truth_

Shinji thought about that, as he returned Kaworu's embrace. He thought about the things he had done in his life, and how his will had been lost to this so-called God. What was in store for him?

"No."

Kaworu looked at him. "What?"

"True, those who I've killed will go to heaven. But I won't. I've sinned far too much for anything but Hell. And don't tell me it doesn't exist, because all people don't deserve to go to heaven."

Kaworu stared at him, before smiling.

"You're right Shinji. That is a very wise thing to say. But you, however, are special in this case. You have a choice. Once this is all done, you can go to Hell, where you can spend the rest of you life as miserable as you were mere hours ago…or you can remain here."

Shinji sniffed. "Talk about a no-win situation."

Kaworu sighed. "Anything's better than Hell, trust me."

Shinji looked at his old friend. "Where did you go, after I…killed you?"

Kaworu smiled. "Heaven, of course, where all Angel's reside. You see, Angel's never really die. To an Angel, living on Earth is like death. So when you "killed" me, you essentially brought me back to life – in heaven. In this case, God has decided to forgive the children of Eva for slaying his stewards."

Shinji cringed. "But what about me? I've taken too many lives to be accepted as a good soul."

Kaworu sighed. "And yet it was necessary. Far too much pain would have ensued otherwise, to you and to others."

Shinji started tearing up. "But Misato…and Asuka looked so betrayed…so hurt when I killed them."

Kaworu released his embrace. "All will be known to them once they reach heaven. Because once in heaven, everyone there knows what everyone there knows. Knowledge is collective amongst all. So people can't help but be understanding, helpful and kind."

Shinji sighed. "What does it matter? It's not where I'm going."

Kaworu crossed his arms. "Look at it this way: If you decide to stay here on Earth, at least you won't be alone. You have someone waiting for you."

Shinji looked up and realized that Rei was still in the entry plug. Giving one last look to Kaworu, he sighed.

"Will I ever see you again?"

Kaworu nodded. "Sure. I'll drop by whenever I can."

Shinji smiled. "And Misato? Asuka?"

Kawru frowned. "I can relay messages, but they cannot return themselves."

Shinji sighed. "I suppose it was a given."

"Yes."

"Goodbye, Kaworu."

"Goodbye, Shinji."

And with that, he returned to his formal state of being, and returned to the entry plug.

_Tell me why._

_I want the meaning of my life._

_Do I try to live, do I try to love_

_In my dream?

* * *

_

Shinji, lead by God's will, orchestrated the ballet of Impact, and watched as hordes of human souls swirled into Lillith's body. The Shinji inside of him could not stand how she looked exactly like Rei. But then, she was part of Rei.

Soul after soul began losing their shape, and appeared in their true forms, as spheres of light, twirling through space.

It was like a nightmare. The Shinji inside could bear it no longer. His whole life, he had been taught that death was a bad thing. Everyone believed this. So how was he supposed to watch this and believe that it was a good thing?

Of course, the Shinji in control could hardly stop smiling.

* * *

_I'm breaking the wall inside my heart._

_I just wanna let my emotions get out._

_Nobody can stop. I'm running to freedom._

_Like a doll carried by the flow of time._

_I sacrificed the present moment for the future._

_I was in chains of memory half-blinded._

_Losing my heart, walking in the sea of dreams.

* * *

_

Finally, the toil stopped, and God released Shinji from his grasp. He smiled on his work, satisfied that the two people there would do as the next two Angels of Earth. He had much confidence in Rei, for she had outstanding discipline, a widespread knowledge, and a spiritual connection to the ethereal world.

Shinji, however, posses all the things she didn't excel in: Loyalty, companionship, spunk, and above all, love. It was love that he had that made him so important. He loved so much that it nearly killed on several occasions. It was his love that made Third Impact successful. It was his love that drew God's attention. And it was his love that made all this possible.

* * *

_Close my eyes._

_Rose breathes, I can hear._

_All love and sadness melt in my heart._

_Dry my tears._

_Wipe my bloody face._

_I wanna feel me living my life…_

_Outside my mind._

_Dreams can make me mad._

_I can't leave my dream._

_I can't stop myself._

_Don't know what I am._

_What lies are truth?_

_What truths are lies?

* * *

_

Who knew how long Shinji had been sleeping? Days, weeks, months, years. Anything was a given. But eventually, he awoke. And even as he did, he knew that he would not like what he would see. But he inevitably awoke.

The world around him was savage, barren and desolate. Not even the wreckage of cities remained. The land was simply stripped of its humanity.

How could he have done this? How could this be the ultimatum of his every effort? Shinji found himself sympathizing with Asuka. He'd be frustrated too if everything he had to give amounted to nothing.

But no. Asuka was gone now. And so was Misato. They were dead. But they were in a better place, if anything Kaworu had said was true. And Shinji trusted Kaworu more than anyone.

That's when he snapped his head around. There was one more. One more person who should be there. Lying three feet away was Rei Ayanami, still asleep.

_I believe in the madness called "Now."_

_Time goes flowing, breaking my heart._

_Wanna to live._

_Can't let my heart kill myself._

_Still I haven't found what I'm looking for._

He went to wake her. He found his entire body was limp from pain and tire. He felt exhausted. He didn't bother to wonder why. He just dragged his limp form over to Rei, his strength seeping quickly. Though he had just awakened, he still could have slept for ages.

Which he did, about three second later, after he sat over Rei just along enough to see if she was all right. Seeing hope, he let his body rest, slumping on top of the sleeping girl.

It must have been days later when Shinji felt a soft touch on his shoulder. He raised his head and opened his eyes, and saw Rei's face, blank as white, but somehow, to Shinji, as beautiful as sunshine.

"Shinji?" she asked, not taking her eyes off him.

Shinji just nodded. "Mm…"

"We're both alive then?"

Shinji just nodded. He didn't feel like answering.

They just saw there for about half an hour; Rei was propped up with her arms behind her, with Shinji laying his head over her thighs.

_Art of life, I try to stop myself_

_But my heart goes to destroy the truth_

_Tell me why_

_I want the meaning of my life_

_Do I try to live? Do I try to love?_

Rei had on her plug suit and Shinji still wore his school uniform. It really didn't make a difference though. There were still far too many answers to be reached.

Rei finally tried talking again.

"Are you feeling alright?"

Shinji thought about that.

"Not really."

Rei didn't really know to make of that.

"Is there anything you need?"

Shinji finally mustered the strength to sit up. He sat back, positioned as Rei was on his arms. He pondered his situation. They were the only living things on the planet. The planet itself was as barren as a dessert. Destroyed buildings were everywhere. But then again, did they really need anything?

"I need an answer." Shinji said finally.

Rei tilted her head. "An answer to what?"

Shinji looked directly into Rei's eyes.

"Why?"

_Art of life, an Eternal Bleeding heart._

_You never wanna breathe your last._

Rei smiled. She smiled that same smile that Shinji loved so much, that reminded him of better days, when the people he loved were still around him. Though this entire event had destroyed his life, it had taught him the value of the people he loved.

"Because you are you, Shinji. It is because of what you are that things turned out like this."

Shinji drew in his breath. So it was inevitable. The truth behind why he had decided that humans deserved to die. It was him? Or was it something in him? A part of him, that suscepted to the will of God?

"Is that enough?" Rei asked him.

Shinji sighed in deeply. He wasn't afraid anymore. They were both angels in a barren wasteland that was the Earth. Who what was in store for them next?

_Wanna live._

_Can't let my heart kill myself._

_Still I'm feeling for a Rose is breathing love…_

_In my life!_

"Yes," Shinji replied. "That's enough."

* * *

Well, there's my fic. I've been an Eva fan for a long time, and an X-Japan fan for almost as long. X-Japan is a Japanese J-Rock band, which unfortunately broke up in the 90's. One of their most controversial songs was "Art Of Life," and it struck me with the same impact as Eva. So I decided to write this fic. 

If you enjoyed it, read the continuum, "Unfinished," out now.

Read and Review.

I'm out.


	2. Unfinished

**Evangelion Fan Fiction**

**Unfinished**

By Kraven Ergeist (Fomerly known as Draco Delphinus)

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion, nor do I own anything pertaining to X-Japan.

Series: Evangelion

Song "Unfinished" by X-Japan

* * *

Unfinished 

Two angels now inhabited the planet Earth. They were both inherent descendants of Adam and Lillith in a way. Rei possessed the spirit of Lillith within her. And Kaworu himself, who had the spirit of Adam within him, had blessed Shinji. And both of these beings possessed AT fields, capable of sustaining them forever.

These two angels, however possessing an understanding of one another were still strangers in a way. Rei had a difficult time expressing her emotions in any given situation. And Shinji, likewise, could not express himself adequately given a difficult situation.

Regardless, they still spent their days together, without synapses to fire, without food to devour or beverage to drink. Their lives were seemingly pointless. Yet, they carried on. For that one hope that the Earth may someday be the wonderful planet they enjoyed.

For the time being, they made their lives.

Both companions were sleeping. Rest had been something neither of them had needed, for they had nothing to exercise. Still, they slept soundly, by each other's side.

Shinji, however, couldn't sleep this night. He kept having unusual dreams. Given that he had only been an angel for a few days, this was understandable, but that did not change the fact for him that he was having difficulty.

"Shinji?" asked Rei, as he tossed beside her.

"No…" Shinji muttered in his sleep. "Don't!"

"Shinji!" Rei shouted.

Shinji opened his eyes in a start. And very soon he realized where he was, which didn't comfort him all too much.

He caught his breath, and finally looked at Rei.

_Oh…I'm looking at you._

_Can't control myself._

_Nothing but pain for me._

He caught his breath, and finally looked at Rei.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Did I wake you?"

Rei did not answer. "You were having a bad dream."

Shinji curled up and looked away. "They're just dreams. I can handle them."

"Can you?" Rei asked, taking his shoulder.

Shinji breathed in at the contact. He knew it was inevitable that he and Rei become closer, seeing as they were literally, the only two people left in the world. It frightened him at first, and the idea still made him uncomfortable.

"No," he sighed, accepting the truth.

"Do you wish to tell me?" Rei asked.

Shinji looked up at her, his face long. He lay back down on his back on the hard ground.

Very little had been done as far as accommodations. Shinji was never much for helping his own comfort, and Rei was no queen-of-Sheba herself, so neither had ventured to construct something like a home. The world was their home.

"I just keep seeing myself walking," Shinji said. "I'm walking along the rocks, just walking forever. And then I come up to this cliff that falls for eternity. And I jump off it, hoping to die."

Rei looked quizzically at him. She had had such dreams before. They passed.

"But what terrifies me the most, is that right as I jump off…I see someone jumping in after me. Someone with blue hair and white angel wings…"

_Wipe your tears from your eyes._

_Just leave and forget me._

_No need to be hurt anymore._

Rei did not need to ask if that person had been herself.

"Shinji, I know what you're going through," she said, comfortingly. "When an Angel contemplates their own existence, a common side effect is dreams of suicide. I used to have these dreams. And then they went away."

Shinji shook his head. "I just don't know what to do with my life anymore."

Rei shook her head. "Well, trying to end it won't accomplish anything. Besides, an angel cannot be killed simply by falling. How else could we have fought so many had they not fallen from heaven? No, the falling is attributed with your human sense of death. It is a sign of your humanity. And the only way to lose it is…"

"…To forget that I was once a human…" Shinji finished.

Rei could not deny it. "Shinji…if you did jump…and if it were fatal…then I would follow you, no matter what."

Shinji gasped, suddenly. "Why?"

Rei closed her eyes. "Because my life wouldn't mean anything without you."

_Go away from me now_

_I don't know. What is love?_

_No need to be hurt anymore._

Shinji just didn't know what words he could use to reply to that.

"Now, try to get some sleep," Rei told him, and touched his shoulder one last time, before falling asleep herself.

So Shinji shut his eyes, praying to whatever nightmares to come to be gentle with him.

* * *

Shinji stood at the top of a cliff. He stared down at the bottom. This time, it wasn't endless. It was real. 

Shinji took one deep breath…and jumped off the edge.

Down he went, smoothly, fluently, his arms pressed to his sides, his figure not moving. Finally, when he was no more than ten feet off the ground, he opened his eyes. And form his back sprouted a pair of wings that erupted out of his body, shooting feathers everywhere.

She swooped up from his position in the air in a split second, taking to the skies, like a bird pulling out of a dive. He gave his wings a flap, and he drew higher into the air. He soared above the trees, the mountains and then the clouds. And soon, he was higher than even them. He went into space and he still kept going, letting his AT field give his wings the lift to carry on.

He could definitely feel it now. If he wanted to leave the planet and go exploring to find another world, he could. It would take millennia's to accomplish, with no guarantee that it would, but he could try.

But he had other things to take care of. He descended back to Earth, his AT field protecting him from atmospheric friction, and he returned to the ground from whence he came.

"Enjoying yourself?" came the flat voice of Rei.

_You said, "I miss you so much._

_Every night, thinking of you,_

_And facing loneliness."_

Shinji landed before her and shrugged. "Life here is kinda boring, but the flying is really fun. Can you do it?"

Rei nodded. "Of course."

Shinji cocked his head. "Could you always do it?"

Rei shook her head. "At the very pinnacle of Third Impact, my AT field also reached its pinnacle. And that was when I became capable interstellar flight."

Shinji snapped his fingers. "I knew it. So we can fly to other planets? Do you think it would be worth it?"

Rei looked oddly at him. "What?"

Shinji gestured to the sky. "To leave Earth, and go find life somewhere else."

Rei looked shocked. "What? You mean you'd leave the very planet which you came from?"

Shinji shrugged. "I'm not saying we wouldn't come back. But do you really want to wait another six billion years for life to reestablish itself on Earth? Because I can sense individual microbes, Rei, and there aren't very many of them, if any here any more."

Rei sighed, sitting down. "I just think it's…wrong…to say goodbye to Earth. This is the planet that Adam And Lillith have blessed with life."

_But when you feel sadness,_

_Never can I stay with you._

Shinji blinked. "So are you saying that there isn't anything else out there?"

Rei shook her head. "No. Adam and Lillith were only the Angels of Earth. There are other angel's who have blessed life on other planets."

Shinji nodded. "So is it considered wrong to visit those other planets? I'm not saying we move somewhere else permanently. I just think it'll be difficult to wait for humanity to come back to life."

Rei shook her head. "If the original Adam and Lillith decided to be absent minded and not head their work, do you think humans would have survived as long as they have?"

Shinji shrugged. "So we need to stay here in order to ensure humanity's survival?"

Rei nodded. "Yes. Our presence is required for a planet to achieve life. But it may not be humans that achieve sentience on this planet."

_I'm not the one you need._

_Close your eyes and forget me._

_There's nothing I can do anymore._

Shinji scratched his head. "Now I'm confused. What new race of people is going to eventually spring from this planet?"

Rei got up and paced around. "It depends on what species they are they are. Names are usually given using scientific nomenclature. Ergo, Humans based off the name homo sapiens, which is a derivative of primates."

Shinji got up as well. "So we could have a race of lizards, and they would be?"

Rei stood calmly. "Sauropo sapiens. Saurians."

"And birds?"

"Ornitho sapiens. Ornithians."

"Fish?"

"Impossible," Rei said, simply. "Aquatic life is far too primitive a stage to achieve sentience. On a planet such as Earth, whose surface area is seventy-one percent water would have certainly developed a sentient water race. But it didn't, so it must not be possible."

"Gosh, Rei," Shinji said. "You sure know a lot. I can't imagine how doomed the planet would have been if I'd have been alone."

_I lost my way._

Rei simply smiled, and grasped his shoulder. "How terrible it would be. A race of people that did not know the name of their species. As if we didn't come up with our own as human beings. Besides, it couldn't be just you. One male and one female Angel must be present for life."

"So, wait," Shinji said. "Were you just making all that up?"

"I was improvising, using my knowledge of human sciences. Since all records of human science has been lost forever, my knowledge and your knowledge is all that's left."

Shinji shrugged. "Sorry…my knowledge is not that much."

Rei shook her head. "No, Shinji. You have a certain connection to your emotions that I could never grasp. You have something that I don't. And I respect you for that."

Shinji just sort of trembled in Rei's presence. That was the longest conversation he's had with her. And he had enjoyed it. He had enjoyed speaking with another living person. The thing he had learned…the things she had said.

Which made Shinji remember…

"Uh…what you said about their need to be one male and one female…does that mean that…we have to…?"

Rei blinked, before her face turned a deep red. "Only if you wish."

Shinji gulped, his cheeks flushing up.

"Ahem," Rei said, turning around. "That is, I…"

Shinji shivered. He began thinking back on how he thought of Rei. She was such a beautiful person, but she had been so mysterious. And now, here he was, literally, the only living being on the planet aside from her. Way too much of a setup, from one point of view. Cruel fate from another.

Shinji looked back at her. A vision of loveliness, held by but a coward such as himself. How could he hope to bring her happiness? How could he hope to bring forth the dawn of the second humanity?

_I've been walking in the night of tears._

_There I found someone was holding you._

_As the night was falling down,_

_With my love, also vanished my vision of you._

"Um, there have been many impacts among the planets, and a rebirth of angels meant to reform the life on the planet, as god's way of recycling his people, and…" Rei said, trying to salvage the situation.

"It's alright, Rei," Shinji said, quietly. "It's alright. I shouldn't have brought it up."

Rei fell silent. It wasn't all right. Now that it was out in the open, She couldn't stop thinking about her feelings for Shinji."

"You…the other Shinji…said-" Rei said, cautiously.

"I don't want to hear about anything that side of me said," Shinji said, angrily. "That person…that side of me…killed…everyone…"

Rei breathed in, realizing that she had dug up old memories that Shinji wanted to forget. It had taken a lot out of Shinji when he had killed so many people, including Asuka, Misato, Ritsuko, and his own father.

"I'm sorry, Shinji," Rei said, taking his arm. "It's just that…he said…that you were in love with me…"

Shinji stopped sulking, and stared at Rei, nervously.

"I just wanted to know…the truth…" Rei stammered, her eyes lowered.

Shinji began trembling, his entire body shivering heavily. "Please…just don't ask me that now Rei. I just can't answer you. Not now. Maybe later…just…"

Rei nodded. "Later. I am sorry."

Shinji began sobbing. "Please, don't be sorry, Rei. I'm that one that should be sorry!"

Rei pulled away, as Shinji's voice raised with every syllable.

"It's my fault that things went wrong! I never should have let that other me take over! It's a part of me and I should be able to control it! It's my fault! It's _my FAULT!"_

_My heart is cold now._

Rei began feeling sad herself. Shinji began pounding the Earth in self-loathing. He was using up as much energy as he could, letting out all his stress and toil in this explosion of anger and sadness.

Rei could think of nothing to do. All she could do was watch Shinji use himself up, and then lie there, beaten and exhausted. Rei could think of nothing to do to try to comfort him.

But she did what she could. As Shinji lay there, Rei curled up behind him and placed her arms around him, and curled her legs under his, covering him completely.

"Rei?" Shinji asked. "What are you-?"

"Please, just try to relax," Rei cooed. "It was nobody's fault, Shinji. And you did all you could do. Why, if it weren't for you, we would be facing a fate far worse than this. It doesn't matter if you believe me, because it's the truth."

Shinji just lay there, staring into blankness. He didn't know what to do. He needed something to guide him, something to prove to him that he was doing the right thing. But then he realized that all he needed was Rei.

_Wipe your tears from your eyes._

_Just leave and forget me._

_No need to be hurt anymore._

She began to let go of him, but Shinji clasped her hand. "Please…just stay like this for a little while longer. I…I don't want you to let go."

Rei smiled and snuggled up to him. "Alright."

And so they stayed for hours of tranquil slumber.

* * *

Shinji found himself scaling the steep crevice of earthen terrain, the humanity smitten from the planet. He marched from a world without Misato, Asuka and the friends he had. He walked away from his father, his work, and his life. He walked away form Eva. 

And what he found was an empty pit. Like how he felt, it was black and cold. There was nothing in it, no end to the depths. Just what he wanted.

On his back were wings. Although, this time, they were not the christened white Angel wings, but black, raven colored wings, black as ebony and onyx. Despite these wings, Shinji drifted forward, ready to tumble towards his death. Then he heard a voice.

_You said, "I need you always._

_Every day, thinking of you,_

_And living loneliness."_

"Shinji!"

He turned around, in mid fall, just long enough to see…

The blue haired, white winged Angel, coming after him, ready to come after him no matter the cost.

"Shinji!"

But it was too late. Shinji was falling down the black and endless hole, away from light, sound, and touch, away from reality, away from life. Away from her.

No, wait, still, she came.

"Shinji!"

She was piercing the blackness with her light, coming forth to save him from doom, yet failing ever yet. Shinji so desired the cold emptiness of the black, but he still felt the call form the warm cold of light still calling him.

"Shinji, wake up."

And a singe pair of arms embraced Shinji for all they were worth, hugging him, taking him back. He loved these arms, yet he could not find it in his heart to taint them with his love. But just the same, those arms dragged him back into the world of light.

"Shinji, wake up."

And Shinji opened his eyes.

_But when you feel sadness,_

_Never can I stay with you._

There was Rei, staying over him, concerned and scared for his life, as she always was. God, Shinji needed her. But why could he not find it in his heart to touch her?

"Rei?"

Rei's eyes lit up. "Oh…good, you're awake. You were having another nightmare."

Shinji rubbed his eyes. "I know. And I think I'm starting to make sense of them."

Rei blinked. "What do you mean?"

Shinji shook his head. "I don't know. I just need some time to think. I think I'll go for a flight."

Rei nodded. "Ok, why don't I come with you?"

Shinji shook his head. "I'd really like for you to, but…I think it would be better it I went alone."

Rei breathed in. "Why?"

Shinji shrugged. "I need to be on my own to think. I know you understand that, Rei, I know you think on your own a lot."

Rei could not deny it, nor could she deny the fact that she didn't like the idea of Shinji leaving her behind. "But what if you got hurt?"

Shinji shook his head. "You said yourself that even falling wouldn't kill me. I won't get hurt."

"Wait, Shinji!"

Shinji shook his head. "No, Rei. I'm going to be gone for a while. Please don't come looking for me. I promise you that I will be back."

Tears began flowing form Rei's eyes. "Shinji, please…"

Shinji turned to go, but stopped. Reaching into his shirt, the back of which was gone from his wings growing out, he pulled out Misato's necklace. Taking Rei's hand, he placed it into her grasp.

"Hold onto this for me," Shinji said. "I promise that as long as you have this, I'll be back for you."

Rei stared at it. Then, as an afterthought, she put it around her neck.

Shinji smiled, looking at her wear it. "It suits you."

_Go away from me now._

_I don't know. What is love?_

_No need to be hurt anymore._

One last tear trickled from Rei's check, before Shinji gave his last smile, and took off, his wings glimmering in the evening sunlight.

Rei stared out over the sea, watching Shinji leave. She bit her lip, but refused to cry any longer.

"Come back to me, Shinji," she muttered. "Come back to me."

* * *

"So you just left her there?" Kaworu asked. 

It was a day later, and Shinji found himself in exile on top of what was left of Himalayan Mountains. Kaworu had dropped by for a chat, and was appalled to discover how difficult things were going between Shinji and Rei.

"I had to," Shinji said. "It was too difficult to have her near."

Kaworu tilted his head. "So you don't like having her around?"

"That's just it. I _do_ like having her around. I like having her around so much that it makes my head spin."

Kaworu just huffed. "So why did you leave her?"

Shinji shook his head. "I didn't leave her. I promised her that I'd be coming back."

"So what are you doing in the meantime?" Kaworu asked. "Just thinking?"

Shinji nodded.

"About what?"

"About Rei, mostly. She asked me the yesterday if I loved her. And I just couldn't find the right answer to give her."

Kaworu blinked. "But do you love her?"

Shinji sighed. "I think so. But I thought I loved Asuka too. And Misato. And now I have to figure out how to live without them. I mean, I like Rei and all, but I liked Asuka too. And Misato."

Kaworu sighed. "That's pitiful, Shinji. You would have never admitted to that the day we met."

"Huh?"

"And now they're gone, and you, Shinji, have never had a chance to express your feelings for them. And now, Rei's all that you've got left. Isn't it worth telling her how you feel? Doesn't she deserve to know?"

Shinji just curled up and sobbed. He just couldn't figure it out. What was he supposed to do?

Kaworu placed his arms around him and hugged him. "I know that you've been through a lot, Shinji. But she has too. We all have. And we're not going to have a chance to live it another way. So why don't you pull together what you can and come clean?"

Shinji looked up. Staring into his friend's eyes, he saw him smile.

And in a flash, he saw Rei's smile. That beautiful smile that lit up the moonlight.

_Can't find my way…_

Shinji nodded. "You're right, Kaworu. I will."

* * *

Well, that's that. I like this fic a lot better than Art Of Life, but the story's still not over. The second fic is done and gone, but a third one is coming up. I'm trying to decide between the two titles: "Endless Rain" or "Forever Love." 

Why don't you be the judge in this one?

R & R, everyone.

I'm out.


	3. Forever Love

**Evangelion Song Fic **

**Forever Love**

By Kraven Ergeist (Fomerly Known as Draco Delphinus)

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or anything pertaining to it, nor do I own anything pertaining to X-Japan and their music.

Series: Evangelion

Song: "Forever Love" by X-Japan

* * *

Forever Love

Shinji spread his wings. White, not black. No, the black was an illusion created by a dream. Must keep that out. White was the way to go.

Kaworu followed him as he flew to where he saw Ayanami last. Kaworu had wings himself; he didn't need them, but it was less strain on his AT field that way.

It must have taken them hours before they reached Japan again. Even more time to find the exact location. It was hard to distinguish. But thankfully, Shinji was left with a feeling of where it was. No doubt a trait left by his angelic nature.

However, he was suddenly thwarted when he got there.

Rei was gone.

_I'll never walk alone again;_

_The winds of time are too strong._

_Ah, it's that which hurts you,_

_That you'll have to live with._

Shinji flew around desperately trying to find her. Calling her name, spreading his AT field, even shooting flares into the sky. Still no avail.

"Ayanami!" he was shouting. "Ayanami!"

Kaworu stood on the sand, looking forward. He knew the ways of god more than anyone. He knew what this was.

"Shinji, please…come down here and calm yourself. Rei is not here."

Shinji descended to Kaworu and folded his wings. He stood before him and said, "Then where is she?"

Kaworu shook his head. "This is a test of God, Shinji. You made a mistake in leaving her like that, I told you. In your absence, Rei was recalled to Heaven."

Shinji gasped. "What? You mean…I'm never going to see her again?"

Kaworu held up his hands. "Of course you may. Like I said, this is a test. But the reason for the test is that the two remaining angels of Earth are having difficulty together. Happens all the time. It's only human."

"But we're not human," Shinji said. "We're angels."

Kaworu shrugged. "Is there really all that much difference? Humans feel love, Angel's feel love. It's all the same."

Shinji took a deep breath and considered. How to get Rei back?

"Kaworu?" Shinji asked. "Tell me what I should do."

_Ah, this tight embrace,_

_And this burning, unchanged heart._

_In this ever-changing time,_

_Love will never change._

Suddenly, Kaworu was gone. The whole world around Shinji was gone. Everything was black. There was no light to be seen. No ground on which to stand, no air in which to breath. Which didn't matter, since Shinji didn't really need to breathe. He could breathe if he felt like it, and did, out of Human compulsion, but there was no true need.

"What is this?" Shinji called out, his voice echoing out across the blackness. "Where am I?"

He noticed in the gloom a small flicker of light. It was small at first, and then it gradually got larger and larger, until it filled the entire expanse of darkness. It became so bright that Shinji had to shut is eyes.

He felt the light go down and opened his eyes. And before him, he saw something he had not expected to see, something he had been trying very hard to forget about.

Misato's apartment.

The lights were dimmed down. It seemed to be raining outside. And Misato was sitting at the table, her cheek resting on her palm, looking about as sad as she'd ever been.

"Misato?" Shinji called out, trying to see if this was real.

Misato made no reply.

"Misato?"

"She won't listen, Shinji," came Kaworu's voice.

Shinji turned around and saw Kaworu standing there out of nowhere.

"Kaworu, what is this?" Shinji demanded. "Why is Misato like this?"

Kaworu sighed. "I'm sorry, Shinji. I thought that she would realize the truth, but something is blocking it from her."

Shinji narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?"

Shinji saw tears flow from Kaworu's eyes. "She is still hurt from…the incident. And she can't stop thinking about it long enough to hear the truth."

Shinji's eyes widened very suddenly. "You mean…she still thinks that I wanted her…dead?"

Kaworu just barely nodded, his own sadness for Misato showing like a scar.

_Will you hold my heart?_

_Stop flowing tears._

_Again, all of my heart is broken._

Shinji looked over at Misato, feeling so treacherous. How could he possibly beg for forgiveness?

"Misato," Shinji said, sitting next to her. "I want you to forget what I was forced to do to you."

Misato looked up at Shinji, a betrayed look in her eyes. "…Why?"

Shinji sighed. "God…how can I explain it? It's just that…I wanted you to be happy, Misato. I would never wish anything on you that might make you feel sad. And please believe me when I say…that it hurts me every day to know that you're not still with me."

Misato blinked, as tears fell from her face. "I just…felt so betrayed…"

Shinji placed his hand on her shoulder and leaned over so that his forehead was almost pressed again hers. "Misato, look at me. What I did was beyond my control. If it was…than I would rather die a thousand deaths and even dream about losing you."

Misato's face curved just barely into a smile. "You really mean that?"

Shinji leaned closer and kissed her forehead to answer. "Misato, as long as you are willing to accept the truth, than you are bound to a world of happiness. You will be treated right, you will be among the people you know and love…things will be all right."

Misato sighed for a long time, her mouth turning into a smile. Shinji could see it in her eyes. She had accepted the truth, now unafraid of it. She reached out and took Shinji in her arms. Hugging him tightly, she barely managed to say "thank you," before Shinji returned the embrace with such a loving force, that it left them both lost in each other's arms.

_Forever Love! Forever Dream!_

_Only flowing emotions, bury this intensity._

_Trying, meaningless times._

_Oh tell me why!_

No sooner had he done this, when Misato disappeared from his arms.

Shinji fell into a panic. "What! Where'd she go?"

Kaworu only shook his head. "Relax, Shinji. She's in a better place now. You've succeeded in releasing her soul. You have done the best thing could have possibly done for her."

Shinji wasn't all too convinced. "Are you sure? Because I don't want to settle in on a hunch."

Before Kaworu could respond, Shinji was whisked back to that dark empty place.

"So, what? On to the next test?" he asked no one.

He waited patiently for the glow to come, and it did come. It overpowered his eyesight, and again, he reopened them to find himself somewhere else.

He was at NERV. More specifically, he was in front of Unit 02 on the bridge. And next to him stood Asuka, sitting down with her face to her knees.

"Asuka?" Shinji inquired, seeing her there. "Not you too. I've never known how to talk to you."

"Then you'd better learn how," Kaworu said, who had again appeared next to him. "Because you're her last hope."

_All I see is blue in my heart._

_Will you stay with me?_

_Wait until after the wind passes._

_All my tears are still flowing._

Shinji trembled. He had no idea how to approach her. Asuka was always the immovable wall to him. If she was upset, there was no changing it. If she wanted something, she would get it. And if she wanted someone to feel someway, him in particular, than he would feel that way. Which somehow seemed to make her even angrier.

"Um…Asuka?" he asked.

She didn't so much as look at him.

"Asuka, what's wrong?"

She just barely raised her head, and hit him with a stare that would have melted lead. "You have a lot of nerve…to show your face to me after what you did to me."

Shinji sighed. "Asuka…let me explain."

"No," Asuka said. "There's nothing to explain. You shot me, Shinji. I was killed by your hands. What's there to explain?"

Shinji closed his eyes. "Don't you even want to know why?"

Asuka threw her hands in the air. "What good would that do!"

"It might help you understand. It might…make you feel better."

Asuka glared at Shinji. "How could any explanation justify what you did to me?"

Shinji just looked at her. "Right now, you're supposed to be in heaven. That's what the Angels were trying to do to us. That's what God was trying to do. Send us to heaven. At first, I thought he was angry with us. But now I see. He simply wanted to amend our ignorance. We had proceeded far enough in our lifetime to learn all that we could. Then it came time to ascend, to proceed to a higher field of learning. That place is heaven, and though I've never seen it myself, it's supposed to be a land of eternal bliss."

Asuka just sulked. "So I was going to die either way, you just chose to speed up the process for me?"

Shinji was about to nod, before he said, "No, it wasn't me pulling the trigger. At lest, not the me speaking to you right now. I learned later what it was for, but God had taken control of my body to perform his cause. How, I don't know, but I don't think it was for a bad reason. He favors the Eva pilots most of all."

Asuka got up and crossed her arms. "So say I go to this heaven place. Will I like it there?"

Shinji nodded. "Of course. You'll be happy there. You'll be loved by everyone."

Asuka nodded. "That sounds alright. Will you be there?"

Shinji stopped. "…No."

Asuka blinked. "Why?"

Shinji shook his head. "Because I'm supposed to recreate humanity on Earth. That is my job. That is my purpose. I doubt…I doubt that I will ever see you again."

_Forever Love! Forever Dream!_

_Stay with me like this._

_Hold my trembling heart in the dawn._

_Oh stay with me._

Asuka looked sad. Shinji had deliberately left out that fact that he was doing said job with Rei. No need for Asuka to know that.

Shinji looked sadly. "You know…for the longest time, I thought that I was in love with you. And I guess I still am. I still had enough love in my heart to come to you like this and help you on your way."

Asuka shook her head. "This doesn't make sense. If two people love each other, they should be able to stay together."

Shinji shook his head. No, this was going too far. "Asuka, if you truly love me back, then you'll do this for me, ok? You'll do this so that you will be happy, and I'll know that you're happy. Will you do this? Will you fulfill your purpose as a human being?"

Asuka thought about that. She knew that it was what Shinji wanted. And she saw no reason why not. It was better than sulking in front of the corpse of her Eva.

"Ok, Shinji," She said. "I'll do it."

Shinji smiled so deeply, that he rushed over to her and threw his arms around her. She returned his embraced, before she was whisked off to the immortal realm.

"Goodbye, Asuka," Shinji said.

And soon, he was in blackness again.

_Ah; everything good seems to be ending,_

_In this unending night._

_Ah, what else would you lose?_

_If nothing at all matters?_

He soon found himself in the strangest place he could imagine. An engine of wires and circuitry, systems of electricity and information strung about him, and post-it notes taped everywhere.

"Hello?" Shinji called. "I don't thin I've been here before. Is anyone here?"

He couldn't see anyone. What was he supposed to do? Was this some kind of trick God felt like pulling on him?

"Over there," Kaworu pointed.

Shinji turned his head and saw the object of Kaworu's concentration.

"Ritsuko?" Shinji said, absently.

He stepped up to her and saw her crumpled on the floor of the MAGI, her eyes swollen from crying.

"Ritsuko?" Shinji asked out.

She wouldn't answer.

"How am I supposed to help her?" Shinji asked Kaworu. "I don't know anything about her."

Kaworu shrugged. "You know her better than I do. Try to summarize everything you know about her."

Shinji listed off on his fingers. "Let's see…she and Misato were roommates…her mother invented the MAGI…and she has a thing for cats."

Kaworu leered. "Did you not also know that she and your father were involved in an affair with each other?"

Shinji blinked. "My god…"

Kaworu shook his head. "This woman has been through probably the most out of all the people you've met so far."

_Forever love! Forever Dream!_

_Stay with me like this._

_Hold my trembling heart in the dawn._

Shinji shook his head. "But how do I console someone who willingly did something that I would classify as insane beyond stomaching?"

Kaworu shrugged. "Try to imagine how she feels. And try to let her know of what awaits her."

Shinji went to help her, but stopped.

"Wait a minute…" Shinji said. "How is this a test of god? All he's doing is having me give him more clientele. How does this help me reach Rei?"

Kaworu shook his head. "You must make amends for the people you killed."

Shinji yelled back. "But _I _didn't kill them. _He_ did!"

Kaworu frowned. "He had placed the responsibility on you, my friend."

Shinji shook his head. "I'm not buying that anymore, Kaworu. God's already put me through hell and back by making me live. I will not tolerate anything else form him. And I want Rei back, now. Tell God that for me."

Kaworu frowned. "That is not wise, Shinji. God will not be pleased."

Shinji shook his head. "I don't care! I'm tired of being pushed around. Tell him that I want Rei back, and I want her back now! No stupid tests, no favors, no errands for him. I want what I want, and I'm not doing anything else to get it."

Kaworu sighed. "It is done."

And then, the world fell apart.

_Oh will you stay with me?_

_Until the wind passes._

_Stay with me again._

Shinji was immersed in a world of fire and brimstone. A hell unimaginable by mortal mind, a hell untouchable, unbearable, unthinkable to any living being.

And Shinji was doomed to spend the rest of his life there.

"You fool!" came the voice of the Devil. "God gave you a chance to redeem yourself as an Angel. But you denied him! Now you shall suffer for the crimes you have committed!"

Shinji lay on his front, the pain too much to bear. His world was on fire, he burned in so many ways, it made his head spin. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think. All he could do was lie there, helpless.

"Help…" he whimpered out. "Rei…"

Shinji then looked up and saw…not Rei, but his father, also in the midst of the hellfire, taking the pain in strides. He was suffering as much as Shinji was.

"So, this is what you have become," Gendo said, turning his eyes to him. "I had hoped you would have made better of yourself."

Shinji couldn't believe it. His own father, damned as much as Shinji was, was talking down on him, as he always had. Shinji couldn't take it any more. He rose to his feet.

Gendo glared. "What? You're standing."

Shinji glared. "You think this pain is enough to stop me? My life has been pain ever since you called me, father. And it's time I ended it."

Shinji then looked away, and saw the vision of his desire. The ceiling of Hell split open, and Unit 01 descended upon the hellfire.

The devil himself raised his arms in defense, as he spat at the war machine.

Unit 01 just looked smug, taking Shinji into its Entry Plug, and leavening the infernal place behind.

_Forever Love! Forever Dream!_

_I'll never walk this path._

Unit 01 flew all the way to heaven, as only it was capable of such a feat. With Shinji as the pilot, Unit 01 found itself as the footsteps of God, an elderly looking man, with hair a heavenly white, and robes that seemed to diminish into nothing. He had an ethereal glow that seemed to fill the heart and soul. But Shinji was not impressed.

"My lord," Shinji said. "I've come for Rei. You know where she is."

God simply stared him down. "Calm, child. I was mistaken in sending you to Hell. Your adversity and will to live over stipulate even that."

Shinji stepped up to god in his Eva. "What I want to know is why you took Rei from me to begin with."

God shook his hands. "Please, please…the maid of Eden is safe."

Shinji leaned his Eva's head right up to God's. "Then I want her back. Now."

God shook his head. "I cannot do that."

Without warning, Shinji reached out with Eva unit 01's hand and seized the old man.

"I'm warning you, my lord. My Eva has the power it would take to kill you. Tempt me, and I won't hesitate, creator of the universe or not."

_Oh tell me why! Oh tell me true!_

_Teach me how to live._

God glared back. He knew he was in a fix. And he knew the boy was right; the Eva did indeed have the strength necessary to steal the life from him. Measuring the weight of the fertility of the maid of Eden against he perpetuating pandemonium in the universe at the loss of his own life, he gave in.

"Very well, boy. Return to Earth, and you shall find her. Please do not do anything rash."

Shinji put god down and smiled. "Thank you, my lord. I shall dismiss myself now."

Unit 01 descended from Heaven, crossing the interdimensional plain that was Heaven and returned to the planet Earth.

His Eva landed, and Shinji disembarked. He found nothing in his eyesight, but was not discouraged.

Turning to the sky, he said, "Hey, Kaworu?"

Kaworu appeared instantly. "Shinji, I can't believe what's you just did! Not only did you appear before God himself uninvited, but also you actually seized the man and threatened his life! How could you possibly do that?"

Shinji sighed. "I'm looking for the answer right now."

Kaworu was puzzled. "What do you mean?"

Shinji smiled. "She got red eyes, blue hair, and cute slim figure. Seen her?"

Kaworu breathed in. "You mean you did that all for Rei?"

Shinji nodded. "Like you said, she's all I have now. I've got to treasure at least that much. Now where is she?"

Kaworu smiled. "Right behind you."

_Forever Love! Forever Dream!_

_Within flowing tears._

Shinji bolted around and saw her rushing to him. Her eyes were flushed with tears, her arms were open, and her bangs were damp with sweat. But she was there. Really and truly there.

Rei saw Shinji for the first time in days. It had been too long for her, in that strange and horrible place that was supposedly called heaven. She saw Shinji make his way to her within seconds. She found herself in his arms, and before she knew it, she was kissing his lips, and he was kissing her back.

Shinji couldn't believe he had let this moment go so long. It had been right there for since they came here. She had been asking this of him since they arrived in this hellhole. But Shinji had constantly denied her, requesting more time to think. But now, the thinking was over.

"Rei!" Shinji said, as their lips parted. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry I left you! It was stupid! I never should have gone away!"

"Shinji!" Rei said, interrupting him. "It is alright now. I am here."

Shinji stared at her for the longest time. She looked positively golden. A true sight for sore eyes, Rei was the best thing he had seen since the day he was born.

Shinji buried his head below hers, inches form her bosom, but Rei didn't really mind. She held him in her arms and kissed his head.

_Bright seasons will forever change_

_Again and again._

"Rei…tell me," Shinji said. "What happened after I left?"

Rei sighed. "The first two days, nothing. Then, I heard a voice say to me, 'your presence is required,' and suddenly, I was in heaven, among the rest of the angels. I kept saying I wanted to return, I…I knew that I could not afford to leave you behind. But I could not leave. I am not sure as to why I am here as of now, but at the moment, I do not care."

Shinji stared into her eyes, tear welling up in his. "Oh, god, I'm so sorry, Rei. I should have never left you behind. I was all my fault."

Rei looked at him. A playful looked bewitched her face, and she nipped his ear.

"Ow," Shinji said. "What was that for?"

Rei smiled. "Did I not tell you before to stop saying that everything was your fault?"

Shinji smiled, sheepishly. "I guess so."

Rei smiled. "That is better." Reaching beneath her plug suit, she pulled out Misato's necklace. "Here. You said you'd come back for this."

Shinji took it in his hand and looked at it. Smiling, he looked back at Rei. "No, you keep it. It compliments you. Besides…I can finally let it go."

Rei took the gift and smiled. "Thank you, Shinji."

Shinji shook his head. "Rei, there's so much I need to do that I should have already done before."

Rei looked puzzled. "What?"

Shinji smiled. "Remember the question you asked me?"

Rei became nervous. "Which question?"

Shinji closed his eyes. "When you asked if I loved you?"

Rei drew in her breath, still a human reflex. "What…what about it?

Shinji smiled, happily, planting another kiss on her lips. "The answer is yes, Rei," Shinji said, kissing her again. "It always has been. It always will be."

In all her life, Rei had never felt the happiness she felt that day. The boy she dreamed about was holding her and kissing her. She loved him with all her heart, yet she felt as though it did not need to be said. Though, still, it couldn't hurt.

"I love you too, Shinji," Rei said, kissing him back. "How could I not, after all we've both been through?"

Shinji smiled back at her. "Don't worry, Rei. We'll be together forever now. Nothing can stop us. We've got the whole world before us. Why don't we make the most of it?"

Rei looked around at the desolate world that was their home. Buildings lay in ruin, the ocean was still mostly LCL, and the skies were as clouded with debris as though a volcano erupted.

Yet among this destruction, new trees were growing. Between the cracks and crevices of the broken streets, sprouts were finding their way through the cracks. The few microorganisms that lived in the sea were beginning to swim again.

The world was new and beautiful. And it was all theirs.

_Forever Love!_

"Yes, Shinji," Rei said. "Why don't we?"

* * *

That's that. I want to thank you all for your enthusiastic reviews of this story. I'm glad you all like this, and I'm glad that I've managed to establish myself well enough to be noticed in the fan fiction world here to command that much appreciation. I am deeply appreciative of all of it. Again, thank you.

The story ended as predicted, with Shinji and Rei having declared their love, with the whole new world out there for them together. Just perfect, don't you think? See, things turned out all right.

Oh, about that part where Shinji threatens to kill God, I wanted to make it into a message. A message that an actual, physical god could not exist and still be perfect. And that when a person is deep enough in the throes of love, that he or she can do anything, even overpower the will of god.

Again, thank you for reading what I'm now going to call my "J-Rock Songfic Triad."

Read and Review.

I'm out.


End file.
